A Slow Dismembering of Life

I think I've pretty much lost control. While aspects of my life is blurring into focus, the important ones just spins out of control, out of reach.

I can't get what I want, each day at work saps the life out of me because I am so disinterested and I try so hard to remain professional. Incompetent superiors and amazingly narrow-minded peers.

I can't get to where I want to be, every weekend is an escape but each time it is rudely interrupted by professional needs that will not be compensated, even if so, inadequately.

That's not life actually. That's a job. I can't choose how I die, well, not unless I commit suicide - an impossible preposition, but I sure as hell can choose how I should live. Not like this. Not like this one bit.

What happened to my ability to deceive myself? I guess we do grow wiser with age. Which is not a good thing because you stop believing yourself even. Not so easy to delude but so easily jaded.


doing the unnecessary of the unintelligent for the ungrateful. cheesepie.