Wednesday, May 25, 2005

wenny and kendy sia / a colonel, his lexus and diminised prick

The wedding of the decade was beginning to shape up pretty well. but kenny sia has snubbed xiaxue based on his photoshop skills that their offsprings will look like kendy and wenny sia. horrors!

on the work front, things are looking rather ridiculous. i have 6 day off(s) in lieu and it's accumulated from last oct till now. don't look like i'm gonna be able to use them anytime soon.

just yesterday morning, i witness a colonel wagging his finger at a junior rating.


Not this finger lickin good colonel


this is the colonel i am talking about

this junior rating, let's just call him sean from RSS SEA HUM (as in cockles).


RSS SEA HUM - cracked open by the colonel

Sean was driving his shiny new honda jazz in milano red and saw his fellow comrade-in-arms waiting for the internal shuttle bus operating within the base. wouldn't it be natural that you would to want to give your friend a lift. More so when you are both heading to the same destination.


sean's pride and joy

So sean slows his car down along a single lane road. slows to a halt. and from a bend behind him, along comes the colonel in his brand new big bad lexus RX 300. he starts giving sean the HORN from way back and stops right behind sean and continued to have his hands on the car horn.


colonel's big bad black fuel guzzling suv - simply useless vehicle

what the fuck is wrong with this almost retired mid life crisis sad old man? sean, being the respectful road user didn't want to stall traffic moves off within 10 secs of stopping. Now this is where sean commits the greatest of his mistakes. 10 secs to a man who has seen better days behind him and can look forward to nothing but a civil or public dog in his run down to retirement age means ALOT. He should have moved off 15 secs later. this could possibly induce a heart attack on the colonel. and everyone who knows him would grief but will snigger and agree that he was meant to die that way.

so this colonel continues to tailgate sean who drove into a roundabout so that he can pick his friend up without stopping on the road. he quickly moved out of his car the moment he could. the colonel was practically peeing in his pants (his face showed it) with excitement when he got off his big bad lexus. he tapped on sean's glass and motioned him to wind down the window.


colonel: THIS IS NOT YOUR FATHER"S CAMP! YOU DO NOT STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD THINKING THAT THIS IS YOUR FATHER'S CAMP!

sean: *nods*

colonel: WHERE IS YOUR PASS? DON"T YOU KNOW YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO DISPLAY YOUR PASS WHILE IN BASE?

sean: *nods*

colonel: WHICH UNIT ARE YOU FROM?

sean: rss sea hum

colonel: BLAH BLAH BLAH

colonel drives off.

fuck. he fucking drives a SUV to base. fuck. SUVs are certified petrol guzzlers. fuck. he pollutes the air we breathe that doesn't fucking belong to his fucking motherfucking mother or mother fucking father. he fucking uses more fuel per kilometre travelled than many of us and what the fuck. the fuel might actually belong to his father. but fuck, i really dun think so. he got his fuel like all of us, from a petrol station, paying with money from his ballooned military serviceman's pay. paid by your father, sean's father, fucking who all owns a piece of his ass livelihood.

sean? he drives an economical hatchback which is known to be extremely fuel efficient. he further maximises the efficiency by offering to carpool, however short the distance might be.

but fuck. colonel, being small sized (he barely reaches the top of his SUV when he stands next to his fucking pride and joy. I bet his dick is small. the SUV is to compensate.

girls must have laughed at him when he asked for a blowjob. "no thanks colonel, i have already flossed." or "oh my colonel, it'll feel like i am sucking my thumb!" or "lend me your toothpick colonel."


the colonel's prick

i am not angry. "fuck" is not an angry word.




6 comments:

Postmaster-General said...

Poor sean of RSS Sea Hum... I also drive an SUV here in the US. It helped me move shit from St.Louis to DC. But i know you're problems with it.

U know my Army days were pretty good, but of course everyone neglected to tell me that I had someone big protecting me. It turns out my mum knew the Chief of Army, who became CDF. And he made a few discreet calls to my unit. But everyone never tell me until I close to ORD, then a medic told me I was a white horse. Of course I told him to f**k off, then he told me to check my online medical docket out. Sure enough... got white horse at bottom of screen... No wonder MO let me sleep in sickbay when I got migraine (certified ok).

Anyway that's years behind now.

Passerby A said...

Living very very near the Gombak Camp, I often see the big ass Mercs with the military plates. Other road users here give absolutely NO FACE to these cars. Sometimes I think people purposely slow down and try to stall these military Mercs or just plain try to be funny. It's a really bad idea to screw on a plate with all those stars on to the boot of the Merc too. Just inviting trouble from people with bad memories from NS days.

violet gem said...

sean should have told him (colonel), "much anger i sensed in you, that leads to the dark side!"

Anonymous said...

guilty as charged.. i live near gombak camp.. hohoho

littlecartnoodles said...

The "(Ret.)" in "Colonel (Ret.)" will not mean "Retired" in this case.

Little fish said...

postmastergeneral: nope, nothing against SUV owners. white horse? interesting.
http://www.northyorkmoors.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/white_horse_of_kilburn_an_easy_w.htm