Clubbing in Singapore

It's weird to have been clubbing at the same place since 1998 and be told how great the club is. OR to be told how great the resident djs are. but these days I have friends who tell me I should check out so and so because he is so fantastic. Well, the reason why he is worth checking out is not because he is famous now. It's not because he has his hair all grown out. Not because he has finally cultured a proper "intelligent" looking goatee.

I was frantically telling anyone who would listen to give his mix cd a go when it was given free with the now defunct MUZIK magazine. Later he would be entangled with Omid 16b Nourizadeh for using a rift without 16b's permission.

And now people tell me how good he is. Oh well.

So I wonder if I should tell people to check this other DJ at the adjacent club upstairs instead?

Anyway.........

Thought it would be fun to have an entry on the people you meet when you club here. My usual list of ten:

10. THE GAY
Found at the usual platform. The one right in front of the dance floor main bar. A gathering of them will usually be behind *sniggers* this platform. Tight Ts and a ready smile is uniform and they bring much happiness to the whole dance floor. They can prance just as good as any of the ladies on the ladies platform right in front of the DJ console and best thing is, when Maniam and his tabla drops in for a visit, they can continue while the ladies are asked to get off their platform. They check out other guys' necks.

9. THE FAUXMOSEXUAL
Found at the same area as those above. Less flambuoyant. Don't mind being mistaken for #10 especially by ladies from the ladies platform.

8. THE "THE DJ TAKES REQUESTS" GUY/GAL UPFRONT
Keys in short messages into their handphones and waves it frantically in front of the DJ. Usually at foreign DJs. Typical messages are for requests or compliments. Typical requests are "Can you play retro?", "You are so handsome, can I be your angle (sic)?" or "You ROCK!". Sometimes it's really demeaning to see them doing that. Especially when the local resident who did the warm up was so much better. And the local resident could be playing a genre that is completely not their forte but yet better than the imported baldy who miscues or pretends to tweak knobs and adjust equalisers while having no effect on the music. The funniest scene is when the angmoh knows that the dance track is going to break down and turn into a rapid BPM monster, they open up their eyes, pretend to turn some knobs in front of them, like they are actually the ones creating the music, getting the dance floor into a frenzy.....sigh.....why? Why?

7. THE EMO
These are great to look at once in a while. They close their eyes, move seaweed like. That's what pin says. Seaweed. They have a constipated look and with their palms facing downwards and sometimes outwards, they kinda look like they are in some pain. Their agony could be coming from #10 who is standing behind but I wouldn't know. They kinda feel that there are enjoying the music the right way. When I spot one of these, I will quickly point out to the rest. Strangely, #7s like standing on the platform. They usually dress like beatniks.

6. THE BOBBER
Usually by the side. But can be found on the steps and these days, right up front with #8. They might carry a drink, wear a knowing smile. And when a familiar track comes on, they will smile wider, bob their head in time with the beat and their hands will come up as if he is the maestro. All the while the drink is still on the other head. When he is tired, he will switch hands and still maintain the beat.

5. THE PARTY ANIMAL
Easier to spot at 11pm because when the dancefloor is clear, you can see them prancing about on a high. Usually an angmoh. he is usually with some friends who will look on by the side. They make a fool of themselves and they love it. They don't hurt anyone, so I don't really think they are bad.

4. THE EARLY PUKER
Found outside, with some friends if s/he is lucky. Usually seated over a drain with head hung. Girls with long hair will have friends gathering the hair to the back in case the vomitus is caught in the hair. Sometimes the jeans are stained, sometimes they carry a wet patch down the front. And midnight madness is not over yet.

3. THE CHIMINEYS
I hate these. Not smoking per se. Not even smoking while dancing. But smoking and using the cigarette as a glowstick. Fuck man. I am at times taller than these guys/gals who stand in front of me. And when they swing their hands backwards with the cigarettes, I feel like raising my leg and giving them the knee into their anus. I have been brushed by lit cigarettes and I have seen cigarettes being put out because the glowing end was brushed off some poor fellow's face. Not a good thing. I suggest these fuckers fuck off. I personally abuse them physically. Some poor girl was stepped on by me on Sunday night cause she was doing that to me. Sorry girly. I don't give a damn. And if this is not gentlemanly, welcome to the 21st century. I'm usually nicer, I tell them to be careful or I move away. But I love to abuse people on the sly ever so once in a while....

2. THE MESSAGER
Similar to #8 but they actually send out the messages. Not once a while but over the course of a minute, they can hit as high as the BPM of the track they are dancing too. I exaggerate. It's just the annoying bright screen that pops up ever so often. I know clubbing is a social event but this is carrying it a little too far.

1. THE CHARACTER
For those who frequent the club, you know who I am talking about when I mention the PhD wielding uncle with black and white gloves, dances like a robot. He is the only guy I know that dances on the female-only platform. Moves like a sinister robot running on underpowered eveready batteries.


After finishing this list, I think there are plenty more to be added....