Sunday, April 23, 2006

Conversations and Retributions

I recently bought some Hello Panda biscuits. These were not the usual red box ones. These were the less usual yellow box ones. If you do not know what Hello Panda biscuits are, not to worry, there is a wikipedia entry on them. Yes. They are that famous. Most children around the world would have seen them before seeing a real Panda. As to why they share the same name as another world famous cat (or kitty), it's up to conspirators to come up with something novel. I can't get my creative juices flowing fast enough.

The wikipedia shows two species of Hello Panda. The Red Panda which features the shortbread with chocolate cream fillings and the Pink Panda (same genetic deviation as the pink dolphins) which is exactly the same as the Red Panda on the exterior but oozes out pink coloured strawberry flavoured cream when punctured. Mine's the Yellow Panda. Rarer, perhaps newer genus which I suspect split from the mixture of the Red with the Pink plus some original Chinese Panda bastardisation. Chinese genes being superior gave it the name Yellow Panda however the mixture of colours led the Yellow Panda to appear brown instead of Yellow. Bah. Darwins.

Anyway...here's a little story about them:

One fine day, Hello Panda 1 was walking along merrily minding her own business.
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Hello Panda 1: tra la la, it's a fine day and i am being merry and minding my own business

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, Hello Panda 2 jumps out from behind a bush and stood in front of Hello Panda 1, stopping her in her merry, own-business-minding walk on a fine day.
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Hello Panda 2: I just jumped out from behind a bush unexpectedly muahahaha.

So Hello Panda 2 wanted to know Hello Panda 1's name.

(story 1)
Hello Panda 2: Hello, what is your name?
Hello Panda 1: Hello.
Hello Panda 2: Erm, yes, hello. What is your name?
Hello Panda 1: Erm. Hello?
Hello Panda 2: Yes! I said hello already! What is your name?!?!!?!?
Hello Panda 1: HELLO!
Hello Panda 2: *growls* (and whatever angry noise that a panda is capable of making)

(story 2)

Hello Panda 2: Hi, what is your name?
Hello Panda 1: Hello.
Hello Panda 2: Erm, yes, hello. What is your name?
Hello Panda 1: Erm. Hello?
Hello Panda 2: Yes! I said hello already! What is your name?!?!!?!?
Hello Panda 1: HELLO!
Hello Panda 2: *growls* (and whatever angry noise that a panda is capable of making)


(story 3)

Hello Panda 2: Hello, what is your name?
Hello Panda 1: That's my name.
Hello Panda 2: Erm. What is your name?
Hello Panda 1: Erm. Hello?
Hello Panda 2: Yes! What is your name?!?!!?!?
Hello Panda 1: HELLO! You just say it!
Hello Panda 2: *growls* (and whatever angry noise that a panda is capable of making)

Soon they grew angrier and angrier! It wasn't too long before Hello Panda 1 turned aggressive and threatened to draw first blood!
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Hello Panda 1: <<<ROAR!!!>>>

Not wanting to be outdone by the femme fatale, Hello Panda 2 mustered all his anger and let roar his anger!

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Hello Panda 2: <<<ROAR!!!>>> right back at ya!

(scene deleted by net-nanny. graphics deleted depicts Hello Panda 2 gobbling up Hello Panda 1 - scene was found objectional by net-nanny)

Well, enough of the fun. I tried one of the pack. So tore Hello Panda 1 open.
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Hello Panda 2 was gleefully pointed at Hello Panda 1 while laughing about her sorry end. So I did the honourable thing and tore up Hello Panda 2 too.

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In this cruel world, Pandas never get the final laugh.

The chocolate biscuits look like this:

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Those who are familiar with Hello Panda biscuits will notice that the printed faces of the panda is not found on the biscuits. NO, I did not simply turn them over. Don't be silly. Another interesting feature of the Yellow Panda, besides the brown appearance, is that not all feature the panda shape. Some are just weird pillow shaped biscuits and bear no resemblance at all with the panda shaped ones. I took a bite.
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Eh, never ooze out. No chocolate cream oozing out. Just some solid looking non-oozy stuff.

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Chey! That's not how it was advertised!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

wah kaoz!!!! sibeh jia pah liaos!!!!
ys

jade said...

they have new printing for the regular chocolate (red box). it's the sports range, shows the pandas doing sports. i'll take pics to send to u when i get around to eating them :)