Idle hands are the Devil's workshop
I have been somebody's disappointment throughout much of my life.
I was in prefect in my primary school and wanted to quit cause I thought it was taking up my time and at the end of my primary school I had to get good grades for my PSLE. It was a choice between prefectorial board and scouting. I told my teacher I wanted out from that too. I was a cub scout sixer and reckoned that I was stressed. At the grand age of 11. My form teacher then said it would be a great pity if I were to give up either then because she thinks I am able to handle them.
I ended up being head prefect and attaining my silver award for scouting when I left primary school.
I was training for hurdles under Steven Quek who is now a lecturer in NIE Physical Education and Sports Science. He always thought I could have been so much better if only I had been more committed to training. I attended the training sessions of course, just that I will reduce my number of interval sets, lengthen the rest time, etc....He even made me the team captain when I was secondary 4 thinking I will then train harder. Turns out, he had to try harder to get me to try harder.
It was the same in JC. Training for hurdles but never really wanting to punish myself. I always reserved some fuel in me, just to be able to crack that one last joke before I collapse I suppose. The coach thought it was a waste that I never followed his training plan. Ah well, who the fuck cares now.
Of late, I worry about being a disappointment. Circumstances are such that I am going for a course ahead of my planned time. And now it appears that people know it from Changi to Tuas and giving me their 2 cents worth. While I am not worried sick, yet, I kinda wish that I had followed the time norm cause then the pressure of having to perform is absent.
I have people telling me that they put in tremendous effort in order that I can get into the course, I have people telling me that I can "make it".
Frankly, I have never gave much of a damn to many people who give me advice. I just do what I need to mostly and bumped my way through life. That has worked for me so far. I just hope it'll last for another 3 years.
*fingers crossed*
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3 comments:
it can be a double-edged sword, when pple believe in you. on the one hand, it might mean that u have that potential to excel; on the other, you feel pressured to perform.
it is often easier said than done, but if only that pressure can be channelled to a positive end; not to accentuate the stress factor, but fuel the want to do well, however all within the limits of human tolerance. it really is no pt pushing oneself so hard jst to meet another's expectations. 2 cts. ;)
disappointments survive on expectations which are inevitable. :((
To both anonymouses or should it be anonymice? anonymi?
Anyways, thanks. Both of you are right. There is a point in meeting another's expectations because humans, being social animals, will be influencing and be influenced by all around us. it is a double-edged sword no doubt. cuts both ways.
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