Overhead before the wedding banquet

The captain of the banquet waiters and waitresses were having their pre-banquet briefing session. Pin and I were meddling around with the av cables, laptops and projectors. The captain was going through the various dishes and how best to serve them, the sequence of events....

....some actual classic lines....

"Each one give only one mushroom ah. If you give more than one and then not enough, you better grow yourself."

"The groom is from Deutsche Bank. The bank is a big customer to our hotel. So you all better give 100%. Otherwise the groom not happy go back tell all the Deutsche Bank people don't come here anymore. The bride runs her own business. So next time you not doing banquet cannot find job you can work for her."

"Please smile ah. Your mouth inside no gold."

"You all don't be stupid ah. If got Muslim at your table don't serve them the pork ribs. You know why or not? Muslim cannot eat pork ribs. You know pork ribs is what or not? It is babi. Babi ah. Muslim cannot eat. You all don't be stupid ah."

"You all understand what I say or not? 我应该讲华语 is it?"

I must say that the food served at the Oriental was very good. Especially the non-starchy sharks' fin soup and the pork ribs. Dessert was very nice too. The service was fantastic. The wedding butler, Jovan, was accommodating and anticipatory of our needs. The waitress and waiters were courteous and remembered our requests.