Hotel SOP #1

We were having a chill session at Home Club (The Riverwalk) cause after the 大寿 for Mong at 新海山 it was still about 9pm. Pin was going to do the visuals for the Utah Jazz/Home Therapy thingamajig as Fullscreamriot (as oppose to Pixel-P which is for the down tempo, glitchy, chill sessions). So we kinda just sat outside shooting shit. Drinking cheap Asahi before traipsing down to Zouk for Diggers. Regretful.

But we kinda got to talking about horrors in hotels. Both personal experiences and those from close friends like fallen beams from nowhere, old hag syndrome and eerie footsteps. So this is like some consolidated list of DOs and DON'Ts. (creating lists, if you believe the son of singapore, is something a normal male does. I'm a normal male.) So here goes....*fingers crossed*

Choosing A Hotel
Before choosing a hotel always ask people who have been there or who know people who have been there or who know people who know people who have been there.....you know.
There are established No-No hotels in Bangkok, Genting Highlands, Penang, Taipei and many other cities. Check and double check! Precautions you can take before leaving. Try praying at the Waterloo Street Kwan Im temple or whatever rocks your boat. Sets your mind at ease.

Personally I don't avoid rooms on the 13th level neither will I refuse rooms ending with 4 (cause it sounds like death in Mandarin and certain Chinese dialects). Refusing rooms offered by the hotel you have made reservations at may not be entirely a good idea. Will elaborate later.

Before Entering Room
Before entering your room, give a visual check if there are any tell-tale signs of hauntings eg. talisman at the end of the corridor, talisman outside your door, incense burnt marks on the walls, dried bits of blood, headless white rooster, wandering black cat, smell of frangipani, long hair wig on the floor outside your door.....you know. The usual "weird" ongoings.

Entering Room
Next is to herald your own entrance into the room. That will include ringing the doorbell and knocking the door. This is to signal whatever may linger behind those fire-tested doors that you are about to enter. Give them things a bit of time to "clear". Secondary effect is that you have tested the doorbell is working and that the door is solid enough (though too thick a door might mean that your screams might be muffled). Also in case the hotel has made a major cock up and given you a room that is already occupied. Don't want to barge in as pudgy fifty year-old is about to reach climax. His heart might not be able to take it.

Upon entering, do not just keep quiet. If you are with company, just say something loudly to your partner, anything random. If you are alone, well, let out a fart? I don't know. Make some noise. If the bellhop is with you, say something intelligent. Or better yet, get him to go in first. Muahahahaha....

Next: CHECK CHECK CHECK!
check toilet (blood does not flow out from taps)
check drawers (no amputated limbs, heads etc)
check cupboards (empty, no skeletons)
check lights (working)
check behind curtains (watched too many horror movies)
check tv (if it is auto-on with the key inserted or on manually. can be the cause of hauntings)
bible/quran (these could be your life-saver. Not christian or muslim? Get a temporary membership!)
check under beds (traditional hiding place of monsters, sometimes instead of little green men with horns, you might find used condoms instead)
check for presence of empty vase or single stalk of rose (some rooms have already been exorcised and these seemingly innocent items are to trap the spirits or to appease them, never remove them)

Unpacking Luggage
Never line your shoes up nicely because spirits will invite themselves to wear them. Instead, lay them haphazardly or better yet, leave one upturned.
Sometimes when on a solo business trip you might have a twin-share room. Never leave the bed empty. Throw your luggage on it. Don't lay out you clothes like they are ready to be put on as well. Too inviting. But if you feel lonely and need some raunchy company, leave the bed empty by all means.
Another thing about beds is the position of mirrors in relation to them You don't wanna be able to wake up and see yourself staring back at you. Not everybody look good the moment they wake. Besides, alot of horrors and hauntings begin with the mirror. It's almost always featured as some sort of portal.
Some go further to include no empty chairs. You may want to fill those up as well with sweaters, smaller bags etc etc.

When Sleeping
Leave a light on. Like the toilet light. Or just leave the tv on.
Have your glasses ready if you are short-sighted so that should things go bump at night, you can have your sight immediately.
Don't sleep in a position where your legs are aligned to the door. This is very inauspicious as corpse are carried out of a room with their legs through first. Or so the story goes.

Feeling Suspicious
Sometimes you just don't feel good with the room even if nothing can be found. It's this hunch that you have grown to trust and no amount of persuasion can keep you in the room. You may want to change the room. But remember this when you ask for a room change and they say no, stick to it. OR change hotel. Hotel staff normally know which are the rooms that are more troublesome so are very reluctant to allocate them to guests. Otherwise, if you insist, they might give you one of those dirty rooms. Then it's good luck and good riddance to you! They say virgin boy's pee can scare spirits away. If all else fails, I'll just pee around the room.... hahahahaha