This one goes out to friends

Amazingly, at the grand old age of 27 (I turn 28 in within the next 3 weeks), I find myself surrounded with friends in their quarterlife crisis. More so now than when I was 23, a fresh graduate. Perhaps over and on top of the famed "midlife" and the "quarterlife" crises, there should be a "thirdlife" crisis. It doesn't roll off the tongue smoothly but I think there is a wider group of people in this crisis than the other "life" crises.

Perhaps all the mumblings about life, jobs and marriage that I hear are audible not only now but was already present before. I just haven't been listening carefully enough. But that shouldn't be the case. Life does take a dramatic turn when you hit that unknown patch of no-man's land. Not only do you have to grapple with money issues, some now have to be the husband/wife to another person. Father/mother to their children and all the pressures of having to bring up kids in our modern society. Still bearing the scars that at very inapt times, remind themselves of their past yet have to put on a bold front for increasingly demanding relations. There is also a "once bitten, twice shy" sense of urgency to avoid having to go through midlife crissi hence wanting to experience life now as oppose to embarrassing your teenaged kids with your bright coloured polo tshirts, highlighted blond streaks and leopard print leggings.

I came across this interesting article on career planning in kottke. Speaks on a frightening thought that I have been harbouring but never actually said it up front.

Career Planning Is A Waste Of Time

There. Immediately I feel better after "saying" it out loud. I am sure some would feel relieved by the statement as well. Some, like me, find their doubts confirmed. It's time to bring out the champagne guys.

A new word for me - miswant. And from there, miswanting. That is to make wrong predictions of what a person wants in future. I hear people talk about their plans in 5 year blocks. Some scope their lives in 3 year periods because 'anything above 3 years is hard to predict". Yeah, and the Asian Financial Crisis happened within a 3 year period and it was predictable. Tell it to those who jumped off buildings. Oh, they're dead. Some plan out their lives in watershed ages; father before 30, generate retirement nest by 50, independent children by 55 and doing only "what interest me" when I am 60. It's like some adaptive version of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

It's a nifty package that appeals to everyone but works on no one.

To draw a similar example from the article of choosing sandwiches, which will make you happier? To predict in advance the sandwiches you want next week (for monday, I'll have a BLT, cheese and ham on tuesday, wednesday an egg mayo...) or to decide each day which sandwich you want?

Of course in life, you don't have the luxury of being able to satisfy your needs in short and defined time periods. If you want a chicken sandwich, you can probably find one within the hour but what if you want to retire with a million dollars in your bank account? Some people don't meet their aims in a lifetime.

Decide what you want. Now. At most the immediate tomorrow. It's difficult to dispose of a emerging markets fund that was really attractive 18 months ago but has since caused you to lose a substantial amount of money. It's worse to get rid of a third child that you wanted when you were 25 and decided that 3 children at home will supercede the population replacement level and get that attractive tax relief. I do know that it is wrong to compare funds with a child. That's like comparing apples with oranges. Really? Then why are there monetary incentives for having kids? I think I am comparing mandarins with bergamots, lime and kamquats.

When deciding what you want, the decisions must be based on your values. Values, unlike wants, are less likely to change. If it is part of your value system to be wealthy, surrounded by family, then go ahead, put in effort to get the money, go have that third child, have the fourth, fifth and sixth as well if you so desire. Values are less likely to change. Wants are and will change.

So if it is in your value system that you value having a job that you enjoy but work and enjoy are antonyms in your life at the moment, change your job.

After writing this, things aren't that much clearer for me.