singapore fashion faux pas

saw this article on msn today.

it's a list of beauty sins and includes things like using a lip liner that is too dark. trying to mask original skin colour (but damn, they forget their necks are exposed).

walking around town, you'll see lots of such tasteless fashion mistakes. the dark lip liner thing is not that common but the scary "face is two tones lighter than neck and shoulders" look is rather prevalent.

anyway, V and I have this thing against plasticky bra straps. she thinks they are uncomfortable. i think they are uncomfortable to look at.

So i have decided to list the ten visual grouse.
in no order of demerit.....

10. PLASTIC BRA STRAPS

I dun remember when such things started appearing but i know they dun seem to be disappearing. which i thought was the initial reason why girls wore them. there were mainly clear ones that aren't invisible. what they seemed to do was cut into the skin and probably flesh of the wearer. this results in some weird branding effect on the skin. then coloured plastic ones appeared for no apparent reason. and now there are clear ones embossed with little flower prints. i dun understand. and i dun have the guts to ask the wearers. not that v will hit me with her gucci or LV. but cause the wearer plastic bra straps might be carrying y-shaped sticks and start catapulting me with stones using the straps as the elastic band screaming chee ko pek kiah. i'm 26. not 62. not chee ko pek.

9. LOW CUT JEANS
This was rather recent. within last two years i think. there were a number of newspaper articles warning of the potential danger of these tight low slung jeans hurting the pelvis or something. they hurt my appetite tho. sometimes in a food court you might catch one of these jeans wearers who when sat down, exposes the top of their butt crack. reminds me of construction works (the western type) but really...not during lunch or dinner. some of the more "well-endowed in the middle" (ok ok, fat) folks when wearing them will have these two sad looking bulge. sexy? hardly. i once tried throwing nuts into one of these mine shafts when i was slightly tipsy at winebar. i missed. it was incredible that i missed. you can guess the size of the mine. i blamed it squarely on the alcohol.

8. EXPOSED T-BACKS & G-STRINGS
they say g-strings came from american indians. t-backs, i dunno. probably not the english. they have tea bags (spot of milk with your tea, elisabeth?). Nothing totally wrong with these undergarments. but undergarments, being undergarments, should remain under. not under public glare. and mighty combo of low slung jeans with exposed stringed underwear was very hot a while ago. i wonder if men dictates the fashion trends for women. someone actually managed to convince females to expose their underwear and butt cracks. wow. i am told they are very comfortable, like wearing nothing. i am sure they are. why not wear nothing? there's alot of things i dun understand. but i guess there is something sinisterly sexy about them. i always thought a cheekiness won't hurt. but not when everyone walking behind you knows that you have a wedgie that cannot be removed. i did a search online and came up with the term "whale tail".



this is a little extreme. i sneaked this from here


7. SOCKS WITH SPORTS SANDALS/FLIPFLOPS
OK, this may or may not be a good example of faux pas. but admit to thinking that whenever we wear socks with flipflops, we associate it with the japanese. it's not meant to be. it's doesn't look right. havaianas are cool but tat sengs are way cooler.

6. EXPOSED HAIR
There is nothing wrong with wanting to keep a good head or hair. the hair i am referring to is rather specific. like a tuft found wondering above the bikini of a beach lover. worse, she is wearing a bikini top - chest hair. or the occasional armpit hair that peeps out from the short sleeves of men. v knows i have this too. we saw these are the peep show type of hair. when they appear in a bunch, they are the exhibitionistic ones. scarier stil are those that have nipple hair sticking out from their tops. (V! stop giggling). when i was younger and still in a boys' school, we joke about armpits of SCGS and NYGH girls. everyone does. i dunno if women should have hairless pits. but...i'll leave it to you. and when you have a long strand coming out from your nostril, bro, the present cross blade scissors was invented almost two millenniums ago bro.

5. SHOULDER PADS
And i mean the 80s stylie. huge and angular looking. most of those made were later transshipped to US for the NFL. after their security review, found that they were too big, even for NFL. eventually they were used as seat-stuffings for the many budget airlines flying within North America.
it is all very matronly. as you can see below:




4. MONOCHROMACY
That's having only one colour. and it can spread to anyone. lawyers, accountants and other shentonites are easy victims. and the colour is black. white is rare. pink is getting common. to be dressed from head to toe in one single colour is very creative. because you see alot of angsty rock typies and artsy "i-am-making-my-first-indie-semi-autobiographical-mockumentry-flick" constantly wearing black jeans with black t-shirts. black shoes. reason's simple. black takes dirt well. when speckled, looks grungy. they have no money after paying for their jam sessions at the studio or wasting rolls of film. i respeck them. black is cool. the problem can occur when it comes to print. imagine leopard print from head to toe and i mean head to toe (hair band, scrunchie, sunglass, scarf, blouse, jacket, handbag, long tights with stirups and pumps). Or checkered everything. or striped everything. or tartan everything. or camou everything. military personnel excused.

3. EXPOSED BRA
accidental slipoffs are alright. I mean females wearing tube tops and a strapped bra. amazing but true. more common is the tube top with strapless bra. the tube slips but the bra remains. causing a sight. worse when she is wearing only nipple tape or nothing. tubes are tricky. the exposed bit could be at the back. and tops with a slash across at the back and two bra buckles showing in the slash. and guys caught wearing bras. A brassiere for men. Inspired by Frank's man-breasts. Named "The Bro" by Kramer but "The Manssier" by Frank. "Bro's no good, too ethnic." - Frank. forbid! this does not refer to wardrobe malfunction ala janet jackson. that's just obscene. nothing raunchy. just distasteful.

2. SKIMPY SKIRTS & TUBES
it's quite a sight when a girl wearing a tube top starts to mine. that means they slip their thumb into the mine shaft (mine shaft can refer to both the butt crack or cleavage in this blog) and grabs the top upwards. it might lead to exposed bra (see #3 above) at the back. in the same way, when a girl pushes her thumb into the gap between her butt and jeans, she is mining. it's a useful term. mining. so in future when you see a girl adjusting her bra or low slung jeans with her thumb jammed into her mine shaft and pulls up the tube top or jeans, she is mining. that's different with short skimpy skirts. some skirts ride up easily. and from a mid-thigh skirt, it could "escalate" to a butt-hugging skirt. or higher. so if you see a girl tugging her skirt down to protect her modesty (haha), she is de-escalating.

1. BRANDED (from head to toe)
it's ostentatious, vainglorious and should only be attempted by rich people who walk around orchard during weekday mornings or early afternoons. you know, those who eats at crystal palace in taka and shop at LV and Gucci. it's like monochromacy (see #4) but in a much more perverse manner.

anymore?