The first track from my CD (of which there were two) to be played - the player randomly "sorted" the tracks - was No Such Thing by John Mayer. I loved the bit where he sang "I am invincible. As long as I'm alive." How true.
But really the first track that was playing as I was driving mum and pop out from the carpark was from Class 95. I know, I know. I was a wee bit excited when I was driving out. Didn't really have time to slip the disc in until later....anyhow, the track was absolutely fantastic and eerily, it was also in my disc.
Instincts that can still betray us, A journey that leads to the sun. Soulless and bent on destruction, A struggle between right and wrong. You take my place in the showdown, I'll observe with a pitiful eye, I'll humbly ask for forgiveness, A request well beyond you and I.
Heart and soul, one will burn. Heart and soul, one will burn.
An abyss that laughs at creation, A circus complete with all fools. Foundations that lasted the ages, Then ripped apart at their roots. Beyond all this good is the terror, The grip of a mercenary hand. When savagery turns all good reason, There's no turning back. No last stand.
Heart and soul, one will burn. Heart and soul, one will burn.
Existence well what does it matter? I exist on the best terms I can. The past is now part of my future, The present is well out of hand.
The present is well out of hand.
Heart and soul, one will burn. Heart and soul, one will burn. One will burn, one will burn. Heart and soul, one will burn.
Will you still care for me, When I lie dead and crumpled at the Bottom of your ten-storey, high rise flats. I can be your rubber man. You can scoop me up and put me in a can. And bury me underneath a stone. A stone that says that I am only 19 years old. Will you still care for me? No, No, No, No! I don't fucking think so! I don't fucking think so! You're just gonna let it go. You say there is no specific story line.
I am just a figure on a stone mountain. I think I'd like to jump & float into the sky, By & by I will reach the bottom, I will be dead and crumpled underneath your, Ten-storey, high rise flats, Will you still care for me?
No, No, No, No! I don't fucking think so! You're just gonna let it go. I don't fucking think so!
You say you're a beautiful woman. But I've got something to say. I've been to the factory. Where women are made. I've seen what they do to them. I've seen what they put inside. And now I'm going to stay away. 'Cos I found out. That girls aren't made From all things nice. Girls aren't made From sugar & spice. Let it go slow. Let it go slow. Let it go slow.
'Cos I, I don't fucking think so! You're just gotta to let it go. I just want to know. Will you still care for me?
The Crocketts
This song is just so funny. A must-listen. I first heard it in 1997. It was part of a compilation CD which included Brokenheart by Spiritualised. Came free with the 6th Anniversary copy of the Big Issue.
You should skip straight to the song and lyrics below........
I make weird analogies. Sometimes. Usually they don't work. Mostly because it's so lousy an analogy that instead of reducing complexities, it further obfuscates. Instead of a logical inference, the analogy becomes illogical.
After buying Plans by Death Cab For Cutie, I didn't really gave it a good listen because I thought I had already found my favouritest song off the album with I Will Follow You Into The Dark.
Until some few days ago I read off some blog that What Sarah Said was a really heart-wrenching song about hospital waiting rooms and the lyrics painted such vivid imagery that you can smell the piss and the 409 (name of a floor chemical cleaner) emanating from the hospital floor.
Heart-wrenching? Vivid Imagery? I was in want and eager to listen to it in a heartbeat.
And that was when I saw the weird title of the next song - Brothers On A Hotel Bed. It was easy to know what What Sarah Said was singing about. But it took a number of listens to get what Brothers On A Hotel Bed was about. Yeah, I'm dense like that. Dense as in dumb, slow and not intelligent.
The lack of a proper chorus makes the song even better but again, that's just me.
The song first starts by describing the physical changes of the person, how he retains none of the youthfulness that had once graced his face. Then it's about the non-physical changes; mental, emotional... He no longer recognises himself. The younger version of himself. He remembers how he didn't want to grow old like this because he didn't want to be a tiresome old fudge.
The two versions of him tries to rationalise but however much they try, he can never recover any of it that has come to pass. And his attempts are futile however much he yearns to regain what he has lost in the in-between years that has slipped by. And the title of the song, Brothers On A Hotel Bed, is used to describe this distance between himself and his former self. Two brothers on the same bed, will try their best to sleep as far apart as possible and there is an awkwardness compressed within that space. Mumbling their goodnights with their faces turned away.
Brothers On A Hotel Bed
You may tire of me As our December sun is setting Because I'm not who I used to be
No longer easy on the eyes But these wrinkles masterfully disguise the youthful boy below, Who turned your way and saw something he was not looking for; both a beginning and an end But now he lives inside someone he does not recognize when he catches his reflection on accident
On the back of a motorbike With your arms outstretched, trying to take flight Leaving everything behind But even at our swiftest speed we couldn't break from the concrete and the city where we still reside
And I have learned that even landlocked lovers yearn for the sea like navy men Because now we say goodnight from our own separate sides like brothers on a hotel bed
You may tire of me As our December sun is setting Because I'm not who I used to be
You have been waiting all your life You use your patience to stay fine Time moves on as you prepare to tell yourself be reasonable Then come the times you can't foresee You cannot leave, you can't release To keep you far from those dreams Ignoring the right times Oh, waiting was my life
For now it's too late and you may not wait And things that I have yet to know vanish before they're complete I may turn around to see if you're still there But as for now, it's just not safe
Maybe you'll wait for me Maybe you're gone
You've been preparing all your life
You've had some trouble getting it right And you try to tell yourself it may work, as it should But something good can do much harm The good may kill for your embrace To keep you far from those dreams You know you cannot dream
Whatever happened to Cocteau Twins? Elizabeth Fraser did some great stuff with FSOL and Massive Attack, renewing her street-cred. Lending her vocals talents to LOTR ost widen her appeal. Kinda. But I don't think the Cocteau Twins are gonna release anything for years to come. A pity.
Their earlier work bear some semblance to the sparse sound in Joy Division music. Not surprisingly so. They were very much influenced by JD and Sex Pistols...various other punk groups I don't know how many post-punk fans know them. Not post- enough and not -punk enough. Some M-pop and C-pop music lovers may recognise some tracks because Faye Wong, a fan, covered some of their songs and worked with them on a couple of new ones. Exciting times those were.
Recently I've been listening to the 4-disc set released by 4AD - Lullabies to Violaine. Revisiting an old favourite - Half-Gifts. Just want to share the acoustic version with you all. I much prefer the acoustic version to the album version, especially when Elizabeth Fraser's tender voice trembles towards the end.....
Half-Gifts It's an old game, my love When you can't have me, you want me Because you know that you're not risking anything
Intimacy is when we're in the same place at the same time Dealing honestly with how we feel, and who we really are
That's what grown-ups do That is mature thinking
Well I'm still a junkie for it It takes me out of my aloneness But this relationship cannot sustain itself
Intimacy is when we're in the same place at the same time Dealing honestly with how we feel, and who we really are
That's what grown-ups do That is mature thinking
I just have to know how to be in the process Of creating things in a better way And it hurts but it's a lie that I can't handle it I still have a world of me-ness to fulfill I still have a life, and it's a rich one even with mourning Even with grief and sadness
I still care about this planet I am still connected to nature and to my dreams for myself
I have my friends, my family. I have myself I still have me
I have my friends, my family. I have myself I still have me
If I told you things I did before Told you how I used to be Would you go along with someone like me If you knew my story word for word Had all of my history Would you go along with someone like me
I did before and had my share It didn't lead nowhere I would go along with someone like you It doesn't matter what you did Who you were hanging with We could stick around and see this night through
Usually when things has gone this far People tend to disappear No one will surprise me unless you do
I can tell there's something goin' on Hours seems to disappear Everyone is leaving I'm still with you
It doesn't matter what we do Where we are going too We can stick around and see this night through
And we don't care about the young folks Talkin' 'bout the young style And we don't care about the old folks Talkin' 'bout the old style too And we don't care about their own faults Talkin' 'bout our own style All we care 'bout is talking
Talking only me and you
Peter, Bjorn & John featuring Victoria Bergsman
my lil' sis and i liking the same song at the same moment. queer as fuck. gotta love the whistling. it's a nice pick up line. "would you go along with someone like me". if she understood, she'd laugh. and we'll have a good time.
And as if by magic, the song started playing in the background.
I could hang about and burn my fingers I've been hanging out here waiting for something to start You think I'm faultless to a 'T' My manner set impeccably But underneath I am the same as you
I could dance all night like I'm a soul boy But you know I'd rather drag myself across the dance floor I feel like dancing on my own Where no one knows me, and where I Can cause offence just by the way I look
And when I come to blows When I am numbering my foes Just hope that you are on my side, my dear
But it's best to finish as it started With my face head down just staring at the brown formica It's safer not to look around I can't hide my feelings from you now There's too much love to go around these days
You say I've got another face That's not a fault of mine these days I'm brutal, honest and afraid of you
It's safer not to look around There's no have I feelings for you now There's too much love to go around these days
You say I've got another face That's not a fault of mine these days I'm honest, brutal and afraid of you
While rehearsing for Yf's wedding at the Oriental Mandarin Oriental - Singapore, I was listening and imagining how yf and sj will walk down the aisle with "Unforgettable" filling the ballroom.
the brothers.....
I thought about how my own march in would be like and remembered my Asad7.
I don't know how many years I have for a naval wedding with buddies in their no.1s, forming my sword-arches. It was at this point that I thought Asad7 can be quite a great song for a wedding march in.
the sisters.....
A wedding, as I interpreted, as more for the bride than the groom. Be it the bridal photo-shoots, gowns, gowns and more gowns, it's always geared towards the bride. And what other song would be more perfect than Tori Amos' Ribbons Undone. It's like the song to celebrate the blossoming of a lady, the shedding of her singlehood to becoming a part of another type of "whole".
First march in in Singapore seems to have the couple coming in together. I think the first march in should be for the bride only. Then the second march in, with them being introduced as Mr and Mrs XXX, can have both of them coming in hand-in-in.
So the wedding starts with the groom already at the end of the aisle, probably accompanied by the best man. As the guitar and piano intro begins, the door opens. At 0:14 (She's a girl.......), the sword-bearers starts their slow march in. Completes by 1:30 . At 1:35 (She runs like a fire does......), sword-bearers turn to form arches. Bride, accompanied by her father, aided by the bridesmaid appears at the entrance. Starts moving in with flower girl and page boy leading the way. Another 2:50 to end of song. Plenty of time.
Ribbons Undone
She's a girl Rising from a shell Running to Spring It is her time it is her time Watch her run With ribbons undone
She's a Rose In a Lily's cloak She can hide her charms It is her right There will be time To chase the Sun With ribbons undone
She runs like a fire does Just picking up daises Comes in for a landing A pure flash of lightning Past Alice blue blossoms You follow her laughter And then she'll surprise you Arms filled with lavender
Yes, my little pony is growing up fast She corrects me and says "You mean a thoroughbred." A look in her eye Says the battle's beginning From school she comes home and cries I don't want to grow up Mom At least not tonight
You're a girl Rising from a shell Running through Spring With Summer's hand in reach now It is your time It is your time So just run with ribbons undone It is your time Yes my angel It is your time So just run with Ribbons undone Run run darlin' Ribbons undone
Now when I need you, you're nowhere around. Just when I'm going down, you're taking a trip down town. How do you fly so far? With the world in disguise. Do the people around you put you to where they need you?
Where do you go when the wind doesn't blow? Are you still like the trees? Only bend with a breeze?
I long to smell you, to feel you within. I need you near to me. Just the touch of your skin. I want to hear you and tell you again. But so much can happen, makes it harder to explain.
Where do you go when the wind doesn't blow? Are you still like the trees? Only bend with a breeze?
You think I need no one, you're always around. Turning on a sixpence, locked in the crowd. Now when I need you, you're nowhere around. Just when I'm going down, you're takin' a trip down town.
Where do you go when the wind doesn't blow? Are you still like the trees? Only bend with a breeze?
This is why events unnerve me They find it all, a different story Notice whom for wheels are turning Turn again and turn towards this time All she ask is the strength to hold me Then again the same old story World will travel, oh so quickly Travel first and lean towards this time
Oh, I'll break them down, no mercy shown Heaven knows, it's got to be this time Watching her, these things she said The times she cried Too frail to wake this time
Oh I'll break them down, no mercy shown Heaven knows, it's got to be this time Avenues all lined with trees Picture me and then you start watching
Watching forever, forever Watching love grow, forever Letting me know, forever
Same songs share the same title but the sentiments are polar opposites....
Take Twenty Four Hours for example. One's by Athlete the other's by Joy Division. Both British. The former is from Deptford, South London while the latter is from Salford in Manchester. The former is hopeful while the latter is kinda hopeless.
________________________________________
He allowed the silence to hang in the space between the two of them. Her head turned away. The anguish he felt was apparent enough to wrench his heart. The silence had hung on too long and too often. He felt at a loss. Desperation took a hold of him yet the reticence in him had always stopped him from doing more. Or saying more.
They were stopped at a traffic light and the vehicles whizzing across them became a blur. The familiarity of the moment provided the only distraction for him. Was it in a movie? The pedestrians crossing the road formed a kaleidoscopic strip no his windscreen. Occasionally he could catch one or two faces turning to look into the car. Nobody he knew. But from the cursory glance, he felt that they had a knowing look. At that moment, he remembered again how the world had always continued to go on about its business even in the greatest of his personal tragedies.
He fought to hold back the tears and anticipated the warm stream flowing down his cheeks. He secretly wished that was the reason why she was turned way. To hide the tears. But he knew better. That only made him want to tear more.
The lights changed and he moved off. The amber streetlights casted shadows in his car, forming a regular pattern increased in its frequency.
He let her turn away so that he can escape into the wicked night. Alone with his demons.
________________________________________
Twenty Four Hours
So this is permanence, love's shattered pride. What once was innocence, turned on its side. A cloud hangs over me, marks every move, Deep in the memory, of what once was love.
Oh how I realised how I wanted time, Put into perspective, tried so hard to find, Just for one moment, thought I'd found my way. Destiny unfolded, I watched it slip away.
Excessive flashpoints, beyond all reach, Solitary demands for all I'd like to keep. Let's take a ride out, see what we can find, A valueless collection of hopes and past desires.
I never realised the lengths I'd have to go, All the darkest corners of a sense I didn't know. Just for one moment, I heard somebody call, Looked beyond the day in hand, there's nothing there at all.
Now that I've realised how it's all gone wrong, Gotta find some therapy, this treatment takes too long. Deep in the heart of where sympathy held sway, Gotta find my destiny, before it gets too late.
His hair touseled by the wind, two fingers holding Camels like a vice and his watching showing 4:20. Dressed casually in his jeans and leather jacket, he sat down, took a big mouthful of beer and smiled easy. With his eyes downcast, he began to sing......... (Live on David Letterman)
I Taught Myself How To Grow Old
Poor little rose, beaten by the rain In the wind in the gale, thunder and the hail Sometimes I feel like I'm going insane Without the numbness all the pain is so intense to feel Especially now it added up through the years And I, I taught myself how to grow Without any love and there was poison in the rain I taught myself how to grow Now I'm crooked on the outside and the inside's broke
Most of the time I got nothing to say When I do it's nothing and nobody's there to listen anyway I know I'm probably better off this way I just listen to the voices on the TV till I'm tired My eyes go heavy and I fade away
Cause I, I taught myself how to grow Without any love and there was poison in the rain I taught myself how to grow Till I was crooked on the outside I taught myself how to grow Without any love and there was poison in the rain I taught myself how to grow Till I was crooked on the outside, inside's caved Crooked on the outside, inside's caved Crooked on the outside, inside's caved
I taught myself how to grow old
Ryan Adams
So when will radio play this song?
P.s. There is a favourite line to almost every song that I like. And in this song, it is the part where it goes "Without the numbness all the pain is so intense to feel, especially now it added up through the years".
When it comes to relationships with others, be careful about insisting that everything be done your way and your way only, dear Pisces. It could be that you have such high expectations of your partner that they will never be able to live up to your standards. Basically you are setting up the stage for failure by demanding that the person for you is of a certain make and model.
And suffer well.
Suffer Well
Where were you When I fell from grace? A frozen heart - an empty space
Something's changed And it's in your eyes Please don't speak You'll only lie
I found treasure not where I thought Peace of mind Can't be bought Still I believe
Just hang on Suffer well Sometimes it's hard It's hard to tell
An angel led me when I was blind I said "Take me back I've changed my mind." "Now I believe!"
From the blackest room I was torn You called my name Our love was born So I believe
Just hang on Suffer well Sometimes it's hard It's hard to tell
Perhaps by what they feel inside. Perhaps by what they see outside. Sometimes it is by what they are told. Other times it is by what they experience.
Standing under the revolving lights, surrounded by the pulsating 4/4 beats hovering at 130bpm that is being blasted out of the speakers and immersing myself in the sampled melody from Twin Peaks, I recognised my age.
Go by Moby came out in 1992. Many people were caught up in the case of Laura Palmer. David Lynch lent his Midas touch on television.
All I wanted was to take part in a rave.
It's frightening that the moment Tony Tay dropped Go I could immediately place myself where I had first heard of the track. I think I must have been in Secondary 3.
He had mustered all his courage before asking her but was let down by his delivery. His normal cool, calm and collected self was absent today. Replacing him was a bumbling fool who threw caution into the wind. By his sixth glass of gin tonic, he realised that he was never going to be the person he is today.
Her words seemed so rehearsed.
She had waited for that moment. Her reluctance to be expressly clear when she had finally decided was her only regret. She had been his source of happiness all this while. Finally she will be able to find happiness of her own.
It is never easy. However decided you may be.
He had hope for a classic movie scene with all the responses scripted. He had them all memorised in his head but nothing prepared his heart. He tried his best to keep his body still and maintained a slight lift of the chin. But gravity managed to coax the tears out. He bit his lips after she had apologised for the hurt she might have inevitably caused. Always failing in his attempts to keep his lips from quivering. He surrendered a minute shudder as he secretly hoped somebody realised that he was equally devastated.
And that there is no escape from the pain.
In the background, Alison Moyet is pouring her heart out..........
If it's just a little fling A simple thing I'll try not to pretend If it's just for jealousy She's using me That might be hard to mend
Whispering Your Name
When she said that you were through I thought that there was nothing that I could d Just because she ran right here Doesn't mean I interfered Now I'm wondering of we can feel the same Cause she keeps whispering your name She keeps on whispering your name Like she's just waiting
She once told me how she felt Didn't just want me to hear it from someone else There were unknowns she couldn't know But she hoped you two would grow And when you didn't she was brought to me in pain
And she keeps whispering your name She keeps on whispering your name Like she's just waiting
If it's just a little fling a simple thing I'll try not to pretend If it's just for jealousy she's using me That might be hard to mend
Oh what else can I do But try to give her more than she got from you And when she wakes up suddenly and she says your name to me I'll just hope its force of habit and not need
Cause she keeps whispering your name She keeps on whispering your name Like she's just waiting
Oh tell me what is fair When nothing's wrong And she just stares Like she's just waiting
"So Julie's gonna head off cause Julie's got her head on........" That was the line that got my attention. Head on? Being sensible or "head on" as in moving on?
And when the bridge comes on with "Well, every night I rush to sleep. Every point of you surrounds me...." that kind of just made so much sense then.
I think it was 1999 when I first heard So Julie on Perfect 10. I was amazed that it was by a Malaysian dude. Not our neighbours up north cause he is from Kuching, Sarawak (macam Kenny Sia). So neighbours due east.
I think I was leaving for my studies then and was generally excited but at the same time still thinking about a girl. I was still making new friends and old friends were breaking up. So much was happening and to leave it all behind was something that was beyond my control. If there is a feeling I fear most in the world, it would be desperation.
This song is haunting me again. Things do behave in a cyclical manner don't they? Because if you see me now, I haven't got that far.
"I know what you're like but I don't know who you are....."
So Julie
I saw your eyes again Did we talk last night About the little things?
So Julie Does it matter when I call? I think you're awful young To try and shoot the world down on your own
But if we dance a while We could cut it loose Take some time Well, how about a little time We find our own abuse
Now that we were wrong Sorry that it took so long In the world we live in Often we don't know who we are So Julie's gonna head off Cause Julie's got her head on
Now we go find out That we've already lost enough So now we're gonna win it back again
So Julie When you think of me Does it come to mind We're living in the same room In the same house On the same street In the same town Why don't you come and dance a while? We'll go and cut it loose Take some time Well how bout a little time? We find our own.....
Well every night I rush to sleep Every point of you surrounds me If you see me now I haven't got that far Because I know what you're like But I don't know who you are Julie's gonna head off Cause Julie's got her head on
So we go find out But we've already lost enough So now we're gonna win it back again
There's no light in the hall. There's no sound here at all. Emptiness.
"Emptiness, rules."He thought to himself. "Why'd I wanna come home?"
He notices that you ain't sat in your chair. He realises that no one calls becauseno ones there. The wall of the hall is empty except for just a clock, tick-tocking away. He is alone, accompanied only by his tears. So many tears.
"Help me please. I'm in need. Cause being alone scares the life out of me." was the message he left in your answering machine.
The words sounded familiar: "Help me please. I'm in need." "Cause being alone scares the life out of me. Being alone scares the life out of me."
Weren't those the very words you thought of when you were being neglected?
Breaking down the stairs, he whispered to himself, "Hello loneliness. Hello despair...." All of this, all of it wrong.
In that moment he realises thatyou won't ever come home. He mustered a grim smile.
You told yourself that they can take what they please. They can take the blame. You've learnt to forgive yourself and to let go. Everything, everything is free. Have it on me.
But as the recorded messages in your answering machine starts to playback, you kept on hearing his plea.
"Help me please. I'm in need. Cause being alone scares the life out of me."
"Being alone scares the life out of me too." you thought to yourself.
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